Firstly, if you have reached this page, I’m sorry that you’re here. It means that either yourself, or someone that you love has experienced miscarriage or pregnancy loss.
I have my helpful links all the way at the bottom of this page, so if you don’t want to read through the page, just scroll down now.

If you think reading some more will help, please do so at your own pace.

If you want to talk face to face, please book in with you GP. We have a wealth of knowledge and can can link you in with psychologists who specialise in perinatal loss, or give you resources to help you along this very difficult journey.

Miscarraige vs stillibrth

In Australia, we pick 20 weeks as the cut off between miscarriage (under 20 weeks) or stillbirth (over 20 weeks) OR the weight of the baby (over 400g is called stillbirth regardless of gestation). It’s a bit black and white, and feels a bit cold, but the reason why we have that is so we can classify pregnancy loss a bit further and collect data on them. Whatever term is used, it doesn’t intend to diminish the loss you have experienced.

Termination of pregnancy

Termination of pregnancy can happen for many different reasons, at many different stages of pregnancy. It can occur for social reasons, medical reasons, and other personal reasons. I will not go into detail of any of the above, other than to say, the loss of a pregnancy for whatever reason is a highly emotional and upsetting time for any mother, regardless of why it ended. With termination in particular, there can be feelings of guilt, shame and despair, which can also occur no matter which way it ended. For women who have had a termination, I want you to know that your feelings are valid too. You have lost a pregnancy and HAVE THE RIGHT TO grieve that loss too. With termination, sometimes your family and friends might not even know that you were pregnant, as it might not be something you wanted to share with anyone. For you, the links at the bottom of the page might be even more important as you navigate this time, sometimes alone.

Why did I have a miscarriage?

Miscarriages are very common sadly. Around 20% of pregnancies will end in miscarriage. Most of the time in early miscarriage, under 12 weeks, the factors that contribute to a miscarriage are chromosomal abnormalities which mean your baby would not be compatible with life. The way that I often explain it to people, is that from 1 sperm and 1 egg, we need to created every single organ in our bodies. There’s a building block process where one step can not happen before the last. If for whatever reason, one step can not happen, the body has an automatic stop process where it can not continue, so a miscarriage occurs. After 12 weeks, all the organs are present, and they just need to grow. This is why the rate of miscarriage drops dramatically after 12 weeks. Of course there are a lot of other reasons miscarriage can occur, but your doctor can discuss these with you.

Is a chemical pregnancy still a pregnancy?

Absolutely! I hate the term ‘chemical pregnancy.’ Chemical pregnancy just means it was too early to see it on ultrasound, so it was only picked up on blood or urine tests, but you certainly were pregnant. A loss at any stage is a loss. And it’s gut wrenching and devastating. I certainly count these as pregnancies (because they are!) and if you have multiple chemical pregnancies, it might mean we have other issues we need to think about, such as trouble implanting or getting the egg into the uterus.

My partner isn’t as upset as I am, is there something wrong with me?

Different people process loss differently, and at different paces. For the Mother, the hormone changes, as well as the fact her body is physically going through the loss can hit home differently than it can for a partner. Mother’s also feel as though their body has failed their unborn baby in some way, or have unnecessary guilt that they have let their partner down. Some partners can try to be more pragmatic and just want to try again straight away, and move on like it was just a little blip. This might be their way of coping, or they might not have felt as bonded or attached to the pregnancy as you did, which is ok too. If you find that you and your partner are coping differently, that’s normal. If you find this difference distressing, you can talk with your GP and be referred to a psychologist, or even call one of the help lines that are listed below. Open communication is key, especially when navigating something as distressing as a miscarriage.

When should we try again for pregnancy?

This really depends on you. Some people need a good break before trying again for pregnancy, and some people want to try again straight away. If you have been treated by a doctor for a procedure or oral treatment, such as D + C or medical management or miscarriage, they will let you know when you can start trying, but it doesn’t mean you have to. My advice for patients is that anecdotally, fertility is increased right after a miscarriage, so don’t start trying straight away if you really don’t feel ready. For some women, they need a few months until they can mentally get into the headspace of wanting to be pregnant again, and for some women, they are keen to get pregnant straight away, and for quite a few, they don’t feel 100% ready but know they want a baby so try for pregnancy. We navigate all of these scenarios together, all the time.

I feel like trying for another pregnancy will mean I’m forgetting about this baby

Have you every heard of a rainbow baby? We talk about a live birth after a miscarriage / miscarriages as a rainbow baby, because rainbows only happen after a storm. It acknowledges your beautiful new baby, whom you will love more than anything, whilst also acknowledging the terrible loss / losses that you had before.

What can I do to take care of myself?

Take as much time off work as you need, for you and your partner. Talk to family and friends that you feel comfortable sharing this news with. (you’ll be surprised how many people would have experienced similar situations).

Have a read of some of the support groups below, many of which have support help lines.

Of course, touch base with your GP. We have medications and resources, and also also link you in with psychologists who specialise in pregnancy loss.

Around what would have been your due date, you might also want to take some time off work and commemorate it in some way.

Why don’t we talk about miscarriage more?

There is a lot of stigma around miscarriage. Many women feel like they have failed in some way (which you haven’t), and I’ll be honest, it just wasn’t something that we openly discussed as a culture but should. I believe that the more we openly discuss miscarriage, and women’s pregnancy journeys, the more we can break that stigma. Some people have named their lost baby, and I certainly encourage people to speak their names whenever they can.

Should I not tell people that I’m pregnant before 12 weeks then?

My general rule is, you can tell whoever you want, whenever you want, as long as you feel comfortable enough telling them / letting them know you’ve had a miscarriage if you do. If this means announcing it online, followed by an online post that you have miscarried, then go for it. Sharing journeys is a power and very important tool, especially for talking about miscarriage, but you just need to decide how much of your life you want to share as often after a miscarriage, you will be in a very vulnerable place, and might not want to discuss with with very distant friends.

When it comes to places like the work place, again, if you miscarry, it can be hard to let everyone know you have miscarried, and if you need to tell people one at a time, or they ask you 10 weeks later how it’s going, for some people, it can feel like you are having the miscarriage all over again.

How do I break the news that I have miscarried?

You’re going to see there’s a running theme here, but there’s NO RIGHT or WRONG way to tell people.

If you have only told a few close family and friends, you often feel comfortable telling them / texting them yourself.

You will know whether these people will want to call / come over / talk, so you can often pre-empt this by adding in ‘I’m not ready to talk about this, I will send you a green heart when I am (I pick different coloured hearts often) or a blue heart if I need you to call / contact me’.

Depending on who you tell, I often let people know that they can delegate breaking the news to someone. For a family, it might be your own parent, of if it is an office, maybe a trusted work colleague. You will need to let them know WHO to tell specifically, and what you want said. It might be that you don’t want them to contact you, but they are welcome to send you a red love heart to show that they know, and that they’re there for you if you need (you can see that I love the heart theme, can’t you?)

What if I’ve had more than 1 miscarriage.

This is tricky. One miscarriage is common, meaning two is also common, but less so. As a rule, after 3 miscarriages we start to investigate your or refer you on, however, this also depends on your age and a few other factors. My general rule is that if you have had 2 miscarriages, please see your GP. There are some simple things that we can discuss to try again with the next pregnancy, and we can also have a chat about whether or not we start to actively investigate now.

Factors that increase your chance of miscarriage

There any many things which can increase your chance of miscarriage, any we can manage many of them, however, if you find you have one or more of these and you’ve had a miscarriage, you still can’t (and never should) blame yourself. Miscarriages mostly occur due to chromosomal abnormalities as I mentioned above.

What can I do to reduce my risk of miscarriage?

The first thing I tell people to do, is to touch base with their GP to get their pre pregnancy bloods done. It’s here that we can pick up different things that we can treat. If we are concerned, we might also screen you for non routine things like PCOS and even start you on medication that can reduce your risk of miscarrying. .

If you have had multiple miscarriages, our treatment and investigations might be a bit more involved.

Other things that you can do are stop drinking alcohol, minimise or eliminate caffeine, stop smoking (if you do), ensure you are on the correct pre pregnancy multivamins, exercise regularly, and maintain a healthy diet.

ABOUT MISCARRIAGE

TREATMENT FOR MISCARRIAGE – Royal Women’s Hospital

AFTER A MISCARRIAGE – Royal Women’s Hospital – what to expect

SOME USEFUL SUPPORT LINKS

MISCARRIAGE AUSTRALIA

Miscarriage Australia has a lot of links / resources for other groups, mental health services and support lines.

THE PINK ELEPHANTS – Miscarriage and Early Pregnancy Loss Support

Red Nose – with a 24 hour support line

BEARS OF HOPE – Also has a support line